


but all i really know (you're where i wanna go)

by SunsetRunner



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Established Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, F/M, John Diggle & Felicity Smoak Friendship, Olicity Reunion, Wishful Thinking, arrow 7x07, arrow s7, arrow speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 22:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetRunner/pseuds/SunsetRunner
Summary: at first, felicity thinks about rejecting the call that lights up her cell phone late on a monday night.or the one where felicity and oliver reunite, and diggle and felicity have a long overdue conversation.





	but all i really know (you're where i wanna go)

**Author's Note:**

> here's my wishful thinking for the olicity reunion in the next few episode. probably won't happen, but whatever. 
> 
> this is unedited, so hopefully it doesn't suck!
> 
> title is from "always remember us this way" by lady gaga

At first, Felicity thinks about rejecting the call that lights up her cell phone late on a Monday night. After all, she’s just left the ARGUS office with her former teammates sitting in it watching Bethany Snow on Channel 52 going on about a riot at Slabside. Her heart is beating out of her chest, and she’s felt like she’s having a heart attack for the last 2 hours, since the first reports of the riot came out on the news. 

 

Lyla is calling all of her contacts at the FBI and Slabside to get any information she can get about the riot and Oliver’s condition. She hasn’t heard anything. No one has gotten in touch with Slabside since the alarms turned on and that scares Felicity more than anything. She’s so close to finally getting Oliver back home, back safe, and it seems like just their luck that this would happen. 

 

Diggle has a comforting arm around her shoulder, the closest he’s gotten to her since she returned to Star City over a month prior. His hand is a warm presence on her shoulder and she places her head on his arm as tears silently run down her face. 

 

“John-- what if something happens-” Her voice is croaky and shaky and she almost doesn’t recognize it coming out of her mouth. The hand on her arm tightens quickly and she feels John place a kiss on her hair.

 

“Nothing’s going to happen Felicity. Oliver is going to be  _ fine.  _ He’s strong, he’s coming home.” 

 

Felicity pulls back to look at her friend in the face-- she doesn’t recognize this John. His eyes are red-rimmed and he looks ten years older than his actual age. Worry is etched deep into his skin, and instead of reassuring her like she knows he wished to do, it made her heart stutter with fear. 

 

“You don’t know that! There are dozens of men in there who would like nothing more than to see Oliver dead,” she takes a deep heaving breath and smooths out the wrinkles of her forehead with her fingers. Absently, she realizes that they’re shaking. “Why haven’t we heard anything?” 

 

“I’m sure they can’t call us until everyone is accounted for. Oliver is probably sitting in his bunk, looking at that picture of you and William, safe and sound,” Curtis chimes in, and Felicity is a little embarrassed to admit that the sound of his voice makes a jolt of anger shoot through her blood. 

 

Pushing those feelings down, she nods slowly. Movement in the corner of her eyes makes her look towards Laurel, who is on the phone with the SWAT leader tasked with regaining control of the prison. Although their history has been turbulent, Felicity knows that she wouldn’t have survived the last two months without Laurel. This Laurel, while a comforting presence only makes her miss her Laurel that much more. 

 

She suddenly says a goodbye to the other person on the phone and turns towards the rest of the room. A grim look is on her face, and Felicity can swear that she feels her heart stop beating in her chest. 

 

“There’s no word on Oliver. They’ve recovered about eighty percent of the prisoners and returned them to their cells, and they’re in the process of notifying their families.” Felicity stares at Laurel’s face, and she recognizes the steely determination of her late friend, and she can see exactly what Laurel’s not saying. 

 

_ They haven’t found him alive.  _

 

“That’s good news though, right? No word is better than them saying that he’s-- that he’s--” Rene can’t seem to finish his sentence before a pained look crosses his face. 

 

“Yes, no word is better than them notifying us to say that he was killed. But, if they had found us alive, they would have called already.” 

 

“Maybe he’s just missing? There’s still twenty percent of the prisoners they haven’t found yet. He’s probably with them,” Dinah supplies optimistically from behind Felicity. Felicity can’t force herself to turn and look at the Black Canary though, as her eyes are glued to the screen where a breaking news bulletin wraps around the bottom. 

 

_ BREAKING NEWS: OVER 32 CONFIRMED DEAD IN SLABSIDE PRISON RIOT.  _

 

“Oh my God!” Felicity gasps out. She can’t take a full breath.  _ This is what it must feel like to suffocate.  _ Her breaths are coming quick and shallow, her heart is beating out of her chest. She can’t think straight; seeing memories of her and Oliver. 

 

Their first kiss. 

 

_ Don’t ask me to say that I don’t love you.  _

 

Their first time. 

 

_ You’ve opened up my heart in a way that I didn’t even know was possible.  _

 

Their wedding. 

 

_ You’re the very best part of me.  _

 

Their last goodbye. 

 

_ I love you so much. _

 

Felicity presses a hand to her chest and she can literally feel her heart breaking. Oh god, how is she supposed to tell William that his father is dead? How is she supposed to raise him, knowing that he’s never going to have his father with him again? How is she supposed to live her life without Oliver next to her, making her life better? 

 

Oh god.

 

_ No.  _

 

Distantly, Felicity can hear John speaking to her, pressing his hand into the center of her back. Her eyes are still on the screen, and then they’re looking at the floor and her head is between her knees. 

 

_ Felicity.  _

 

She can hear his voice in her mind, the soft tone he saves for her when they’re laying in bed together. The warm look in his eyes when he gazes at her in the morning light. His gentle touch when she’s just waking up in the morning. The strong embrace he holds her in as they fall asleep at night tangled up in each other. 

 

“Felicity!” Laurel’s voice breaks through her haze. Her head shoots up and she’s gazing at Laurel’s beautiful face, her set eyes won’t let her look away.

 

“You need to breathe. Please just focus on your breathing. Match my breaths,” John is speaking to her quietly. “You’re having a panic attack, you’re gonna be fine. Don’t look at the screen, just know that  _ you’re gonna be fine. _ ”

 

Slowly, Felicity can take more air into her lungs and she sits fully up against the couch she’s sitting on. Laurel nods slowly and goes back to the desk and picks up the phone. 

 

“John--” she reaches up to her face to take off her smudged glasses and can feel that her face is wet with tears. There’s a tissue in her hands, and Rene gives her fingers a quick squeeze before letting go. 

 

“No, Felicity. This doesn’t change anything. This isn’t new information about Oliver. There is  _ nothing  _ on that television that should make you think that Oliver is one of those inmates. You’re letting your worry get the best of you, and I need to you to stay strong. Keep your calm, Oliver is going to be fine.” 

 

Felicity glances around the room and can see the varying levels of concern across her friend’s faces.  _ Funny,  _ she thought.  _ It only took me having a panic attack in front of them to give a shit about me, about Oliver.  _

 

“I need to take a walk.” 

 

John nods. “I think that’s a good idea.” 

 

She stands up slowly on shaky legs and nearly crumples back down under the weight of her fear. Felicity heads for the door before Lyla walks forward to press her cell phone into her hands.

 

“Take this with you, I want to be able to get in touch with you.” 

 

“I won’t be long.” 

 

Lyla’s lips quirk, juxtaposing the sadness in her eyes. She moves quickly to wrap Felicity in a hug, and it’s over before Felicity can raise her hands to embrace her back. Her throat feels dry and she gives one last parting glance to her friends before she exits the office. 

 

**→**

 

Felicity walks down the hallway, and as soon as she’s out of sight from the office, she slumps against the wall of the corridor. She raises her hands to her face and can feel the burn of tears in her eyes again. 

 

There’s a quick buzzing in her pants pocket, and it takes a minute before Felicity realizes that her phone is vibrating. God, they couldn’t even wait a minute before they had to check up on her?  Quickly wiping her wet hands on her pants, she pulls the phone out of her pocket with shaky hands. The number on the screen gives her pause. 

 

_ UNKNOWN  _

 

Felicity bites her lip and glances up at the ceiling, her finger hovering over the red button. For all she knows, it could be Diaz calling her to gloat about killing her husband. It could be someone telling her William had been attacked at his boarding school. 

 

Steeling herself, Felicity moves her thumb to the green accept button and raises it to her ear. Without saying a greeting, she waits patiently for a response. 

 

All she can hear is a rustling sound, then quick raspy breathing. The change causes her heart to pick up again, and she concentrates, trying to keep her wits about her. The call should unnerve her, but it doesn’t. She waits for a greeting, anything. 

 

Nothing comes. 

 

As she’s getting ready to hang up, there’s a change in the breathing. It’s slower, like the person on the other end is finally getting their breath back after a long run. 

 

She waits again, hearing nothing. Then, 

 

“Felicity?” 

 

Felicity gasps loudly and falls back against the wall of the hallway. Her left hand is on her lips and her eyes well up with tears. She recognizes that voice. She  _ knows  _ that voice, knows it better than she knows her own. 

 

“Felicity-- Oh god, please, Felicity?” 

 

“ _ Oliver?”  _ She closes her eyes tightly, preparing herself for the rush of reality, when this fantasy crumples up around her, leaving her alone and desperate. 

 

“Hi, honey.” 

 

The relief that floods through her body is unlike anything she’s ever known. She feels lighter than she’s felt in the last two hours, lighter than she’s felt in six months. The tears falling from her eyes change from tears of sadness to tears of joy in seconds. 

 

“Oh my god, Oliver? H-h-How are you there? Where are you? Are you okay?” Felicity clutches the phone so tightly she’s surprised it doesn’t break. She thinks about walking back to the office and telling her friends about the call, but she needs these few minutes alone, with her husband on the phone, without them.

 

A soft chuckle reaches her ears, so like Oliver that it sends warmth cascading over her, so unlike the cold ice that had taken residence in her body since she first saw the riot headlines. 

 

“Yeah, baby, it’s me. I got, I got out. Diaz caused the riot and I stabbed him. I thin- I think he’s dead, but I’m not sure. I’m okay, Felicity, I promise.” 

 

“Where are you? Are you still in Slabside?” 

 

“No, no. I found a ride back south, I’m on the way to Star City. One of the guards, he wanted to get me out. Can you--- can you come pick me up?” 

 

“Yes! Yes yes where should I meet you?” A smile stretched across her face.

 

“Do you remember that hotel we stayed at the first night we left Star City three years ago?” 

 

“Yeah, right off the interstate. The one with the cute yellow siding and the really uncomfortable beds.” 

 

“I don’t remember you complaining at the time.” Oliver’s voice has taken on a flirty undertone and it reminds her so much of her memories with him that it causes butterflies to fly in her stomach. 

 

“Yeah, well, I don’t remember us doing much sleeping at the time.” 

 

Oliver barks out a short laugh, and she has no option but to return it, feeling more like herself than she has since he was taken into custody when Quentin died. 

 

“I guess not,” he takes a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing. “I love you.” 

 

Felicity lets out a soft whimper at hearing the words that she had resigned herself to never hearing again. “I love you too Oliver.  _ So much.  _ God, these last few hours have been--” 

 

“I know. I know. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t get word out, and then I didn’t want to tell you in case anything happened, and I wasn’t able to come home. But it’s real.” 

 

“Okay, okay, when should I meet you? The motel’s a little over an hour from here, how far away are you?” 

 

“Around an hour; I have to go Felicity, Aaron’s phone is about to die. I’ll meet you there in an hour?” 

 

“Okay, I’m going to go get in the car. Oh-- Oliver?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I love you.” 

 

She can practically hear his smile through the phone. He doesn’t seem exasperated by her repeating his words so quickly. It seems as though he’s been as starved from hearing them as she has been. 

 

“I love you too honey, see you soon.” 

**→**

 

Felicity’s nerves are bouncing in her skin as she squirms in the passenger seat. The road ahead of them is covered in rain, and it’s pouring buckets over the ARGUS issued car. They’re about fifteen minutes away from the hotel and Felicity can’t remember being more anxious in her life. John is sitting in the passenger seat, and the ride to go get Oliver has been more silent than she anticipated. There are so many things left unsaid between her and John that she doesn’t quite know how to bridge the distance between them.

 

The friendship between the two of them had always come naturally, for two people who were about as different as you could get. The last six years had been filled with endless love and support, and yet, their friendship is more strained now than it has ever been. 

 

Felicity hates it.

 

She wants back her best friend. The one who always stood by her, even when he didn’t agree. The one who would always place his friends above anything else, and who valued their relationship. She knew things had changed since Oliver had gone away, and it was hard not to hold resentment against John for the way things turned out. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

Felicity turns her head to look at John, who is staring at the road ahead of them. She’s a bit shocked by his admission and takes a second before she responds. 

 

“For what?” 

 

John downturns his eyes and turns the dial for the radio, which just seconds before had been crooning old time country songs. 

 

“I feel like I haven’t been the best friend or supporter for the past few months. The things I said about Oliver not coming home--- I didn’t mean that. I was just trying to bring you back and I thought that would--” 

 

“John, the things you said really hurt me, yes. But I think that surprised me the most, and made me really think about our friendship, was the way that you gave up on Oliver. Gave up on what he stood for, gave up on the possibility of him coming home.” She takes a breath, and lets her frustration at John for the past few months melt away as she puts her problems out into the universe. 

 

“Not only that, but you tried to  _ convince  _ me that my husband wasn’t coming home. I understand that you wanted to be realistic, and save me from pain, but I needed that hope and optimism.”

 

She steals a glance over at John and she knows that her words have hit him deep. While she’s been hurting pretty badly since she had to send William away, she didn’t want this talk to just be her lashing out at him. 

 

Hesitantly, Felicity reaches out to place a hand on his right arm and gives a comforting squeeze. 

 

“I forgive you John. But I’m not going to lie and say that I think things are just going to go back to the way they were between us. I think that this has shown that we really need to work on our friendship and find out how we matter to each other now that we aren’t teammates anymore. So yeah, I forgive you, because I know you didn’t try to hurt me. But I’m not going to forget. I want to keep working to make this better.” Felicity stops and bites her lip.

 

“Neither of us are the same people that we were six years ago when this started, and even more, neither of us are the same people that we were six months ago. I know that I’ve changed, and I’m not the same Felicity that you’ve known for over half a decade. You’re not the same John either. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or appreciate your friendship.” 

John huffs quietly and a small quirk of his lips lets Felicity know that they’re good. Or at least they will be. He unwraps his right hand from around the wheel and gives her fingers a quick squeeze, looking at her quickly with a genuine warmth in his eyes that she hasn’t seen in a while. 

 

“I’d really like to get to know the new you, Felicity.” 

 

Felicity smiles in response and grows quiet as she brings her hands back to her lap, idly playing with her wedding ring as she sees the hotel coming up on the right hand side. The lights are blazing out into the rainy night. There are no cars in the parking lot and a vacancy sign on the main office. 

 

“Oliver must not be here yet.” Felicity picks at the skin around her nails. 

 

John pulls off into the parking lot, and Felicity’s heart is beating wildly in her chest. 

 

“You nervous?” 

 

Felicity snorts, but quickly grows serious, her eyes down casting to her ring again. “Yeah. I haven’t really thought about this until now but I’m scared that--” she breaks off suddenly as John puts the car in park. 

 

“Scared that what?” 

 

“I’m scared that Oliver won’t love the new me.” She says it quickly, almost like it’s one word. Putting out her fear, one that has plagued her ever since she held a gun to Diaz’s head, makes her feel like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. 

 

“You’re kidding me, right?” John sounds shocked.

 

Felicity shakes her head. 

 

“Wish I was.” 

 

John scrubs a hand down his face and turns in his seat to look at Felicity head on, who matches his stance. 

 

“Listen, Felicity. I’ve known Oliver for six years, same as you. I’ve had a lot of questions about who he is in those years, about what he feels, what he values. But the  _ one thing  _ I’ve never questioned,  _ ever,  _ is his love for you.” 

 

“John--” 

 

“Not since the moment he saved you from the Count. Not when he was dating Sara. Not during that god-awful plan to fool Slade. Not after he foolishly pushed you away,” He paused. “Not during Ray. Not after his lies about Susan. _ Not ever _ .” 

 

“I know that none of us are the same as we were before he went to prison, and that’s a bit scary. But, whoever you are now, that person is the love of Oliver Queen’s life. I don’t think it’s going to be easy, it might take some time, but I know you and Oliver and the people you are now are going to be just fine,” he turns when a set of headlights bounce across the pavement. 

 

Felicity’s heart skips a beat. 

 

“It’s the one thing I’ve never questioned, never will question.” She smiles widely at him and leans across the middle to put her arms around him. In that moment, she realized how much she had truly missed John, who was her best friend in the world. She missed his warm, comforting presence, and the way that he would always listen to her without judgement or contempt. 

 

Most of all, she’s just missed her friend. 

 

The sound of a car door slamming brings them out of their hug and Felicity pulls back to set her wide eyes on John. He gives her a comforting smile and gently pushes her back towards the door with a gesture towards the parking lot.

 

“Go get him.” 

 

**→**

 

Felicity eases out of the car and is immediately assaulted with pounding rain. Her glasses immediately are covered with droplets but she can just make out the silhouette of a man striding towards her. 

 

He stops a few feet in front of her, and even from their distance she has to look up to see his face. The beard is new, but she knows the hollows of his cheeks and the shape of his face as well as she knows her own. There are scrapes and bruises lining his handsome face and pain lances through her at the thought of what happened to him for Oliver to have these injuries. She can see from the distance that he’s trembling, nearly shaking from the effort of holding himself still, allowing her to have this silent perusal of him. 

 

She opens her mouth to speak and rain drips into her mouth. After six months of waiting and aching to see him in person, without the thick glass of the prison between them, all of the words she had planned to say to him rush away and she’s left with nothing.

 

Nothing but the love that flows so freely between them. 

 

Felicity watches as Oliver’s gaze jumps around her body, from her hair to her face to her hands to her waist to her lips, finally to rest on her eyes. The rain is soaking through her clothes, her hair falling down in strings down her back. Felicity knows that they’ll probably get pneumonia from standing in the rain this long, but she can’t bring herself to care. 

 

They rush forward at the same time. She can barely see out of her glasses, but at this point it’s all muscle memory. One second they’re three feet apart and the next she’s wrapped up in his strong arms and he’s holding her so tight she can barely breathe, but it’s  _ perfect.  _

 

She digs her fingers into his back, over a cheap gray sweatshirt that reminds her of the one he used to tote around the old foundry. Her head fits perfectly into the groove above his collarbone, and even though he doesn’t smell the same and his body has changed since the last time she’s touched him like this, his touch is so familiar that it brings tears to her eyes. 

 

God, she’s tired of crying sad tears. For once, they’re happy. 

 

Oliver’s fingers are tight across her waist, and she thinks that if it was possible, he would bring her even closer, even though there’s not a millimeter of space between any part of their bodies. She can feel the energy inside him thrumming under his skin, so familiar to her. 

 

He pulls back and there’s hopeful look on his face as he locks their eyes. Slowly, he unwinds one hand from around her waist to reach up and pull off her glasses, tucking them gently into the pocket of his sweatshirt. Without the wet frames, her vision is worse, but she can see him better and all she can see is love in his eyes. 

 

Slowly, ever so slowly, giving her a chance to pull back, Oliver leans down until their lips are a hair's breadth away from each other. Felicity wants nothing more than to close the distance and press her mouth against his, but she  _ can’t _ . She can’t until she gets the words off her chest. 

 

Placing a hand on his shoulder, she takes a half step back and she watches as devastation passes over Oliver’s face. His eyes shut down and he draws his bottom lip into his mouth, breaking their eye contact and looking at the ground.

 

After a second’s pause, he nods his head solemnly and won’t look her in the eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry-- I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you, I just--” Felicity starts at that and rushes to grasp his fingers in her hands as Oliver stops his speech but still won’t regain their eye contact. 

 

Finally, Felicity looks up and her heart breaks at the look of utter sadness on her face. For a split second, she hates herself for putting that look on his face. 

 

“I want to kiss you, I want to kiss you so bad I hurt.  _ I hurt, Oliver.  _ But I need to tell you, I’m not the same as I was when you left, I’ve done things-- god, I’ve done things that I can’t believe, I’ve crossed so many lines, I’ve been stuck in this cycle of darkness and sadness, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t--” she takes a hiccuping breath. “If you didn’t want me anymore.” Felicity releases the final thought on a long exhale. 

 

“Felicity.” 

 

She shakes her head and turns away, but Oliver’s touch turns her back. 

 

“Felicity, please” 

 

_ No.  _

 

“ _ Please”.  _

 

The broken sound of his voice causes Felicity to look up at him and she doesn’t recognize the look on his face; one born of determination and love and sadness all at once. 

 

“God, Felicity, I want you so bad. I love you so much. So so much,” he lets go of her hands to tilt her jaw up with his hands. “I need you to hear this-- whatever you did, whatever you had to do to survive, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” 

 

“You don’t know what--” 

 

“I don’t care.” Felicity scoffs at that. 

 

Oliver backtracks, “Well, obviously I care, but nothing you could do would ever change how much I love you. I want to know everything about these past few months, but I need you to know that how I feel about you will never change. Just like I hope that you will still want me after everything.” 

 

“Oliver, of course I--” 

 

“See? That resolve that you have? It’s the same for me, honey. You’ve stood by me through everything, every bad decision I’ve made, every foolish error. There have been times where I didn’t think you could even stand to look at me, much less love me, but through everything you continued to accept me and help make me into a better person.” 

 

He stops and she can tell that he’s trying to imprint his meaning on her so that she never questions it again.

 

“Let me be that person, that guiding light for you.” 

 

With a cry, Felicity rises up on her toes to touch her lips to his. It starts out soft and chaste, just a press of their lips together. Felicity runs her fingers over his head, and presses her mouth harder against his, tilting his head to the side. Oliver remains unmoving, his hands by his side, until the first touch of her tongue against his. He moves then; wrapping his hands around her back and lifting her up until she winds her legs around his waist. He kisses her then, really kisses her, the way she knows he’s been aching to since they first parted six months ago.

 

Their tongues tangle and Felicity grips his jaw harder in her hand as he licks the roof of her mouth. She pulls back slightly to turn more into his embrace, pressing small kisses around his mouth as he moves his hands down past her waist, to rest against her backside. Lust shoots through her and she fuses their lips together again. Seconds or minutes later, Oliver pulls back and looks up at her with a blinding grin. She realizes then that they’re standing in the parking lot with their best friend in a car ten feet away, and she slides down his body with a low moan, getting on her feet and turning towards the ARGUS vehicle.

 

The sound makes Oliver shoot his hand out and grab hers, pulling her back towards him as he sips gently from her lips. His other hand runs through her hair and caresses her cheek. With matching groans, they both pull back from the kiss with bright eyes and swollen mouths. 

 

With that small smile that he always reserves for him, he whispers “Let’s go home.”

 

And to Felicity, that sounds pretty damn good. 

 

_ fin  _

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please leave a comment if you liked it! 
> 
> -rach
> 
> tumblr: smolsmoak


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